I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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