got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
