its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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