I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
