ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
