Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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