Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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