normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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