I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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