no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
