She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
