i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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