he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
