Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
