I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
