I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it hurts more in the daytime
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
