peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
