I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
