for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You took a bar mat shot.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
