How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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