he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
