So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
