we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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