Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
