You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
