i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
