and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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