Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
