found the other keg... it's in the tree
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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