I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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