I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
