i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
