By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
