she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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