Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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