We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
