New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
