i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
