you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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