Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
