well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
