I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
