I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
