i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
