she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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