You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
