Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
