I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
