sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
