can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
